I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
