So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
