my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
