Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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