Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
