You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
