Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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