He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
