First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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