I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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