operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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