I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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