I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
