Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
