He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
