how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
