Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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