There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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