I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
