Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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