I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I smell like Dick and happiness
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
