I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
