I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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