i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
