please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
