Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
