i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
