So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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