Christians are straight up FREAKS
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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