apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
