It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
