Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
