I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
