I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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