I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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