i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
