nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
