I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
