Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
