lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
