i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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