omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
