Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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