Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
