i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
