two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
