areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
