you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
