I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
