So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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